Clinic Case: Toxic Water
[This scene opens in House’s office,
where the team was just getting their morning started. Cuddy rushes in.]
Cuddy: All hands on deck. There was a two school-bus accident, so we’ve
got upwards of 60 kids unbound to the emergency room. We need all the warm bodies we can get down
there.
[Taub, Kutner, and 13 rush to get up; House doesn’t move from his
chair.]
Cuddy: You too, House.
House: Oh, I’m sure the new kids on the block can
handle it.
Cuddy: Come on, I mean it.
House: [in a
whiny voice] but my leg—
Cuddy: [looks up at the ceiling like she’s thinking
about something] Hmm, I seem to
recall the pharmacist telling me they were running out of Vicodin
and needing my signature to get more . . .
House: [doesn’t even look up at her, very unconcerned
tone] Gotta do
better than that. I’ve got enough stashed
around here to keep me pain-free for a wee— [in mid word, switches to say]
while.
Cuddy: Tell you what, you get your pick, emergency
or clinic, you choose.
House: [rolls
his eyes] Clinic then. At least maybe I can get to watch my soaps in
the clinic.
Cuddy: Thank you.
House: [limping past her] You’re
not welcome.
[House is sitting in Exam Room 1
with a small television set. While he
sits there with the TV, we can hear a lot of commotion outside the door, but he
sits there oblivious to it all. After a
few moments, the door opens, and the nurse guides in two African American boys,
ages 6 and 10. The older one is in tears
and very distraught.]
Nurse: Doctor House, these two are for you. Possible poisoning, but no
symptoms yet. Normally we’d take
them at the emergency room but –
House: [interrupting]
yeah yeah, I got them [closes the door as the nurse leaves; then turns to the boys]
Older Boy: [through the tears] M-m-m-my brother sw- sw- sw-
House: [While the older boy is trying to get out a
sentence, House has taken the younger boy and sat him up on the exam table,
started listening to his chest and feeling for a pulse]. Swallowed?
Older Boy: Yeah, sw- [gasp] swallowed some toxic water.
House: [all
business, trying to get a read on the little kid, any clues he can find] Where are your parents, why
are you here by yourself?
Older Boy: We was at home by ourselves [sniff], our mom
don’t get home until after dark. I
didn’t know what to do, an’ we live just a couple blocks away, so I brought him
to the hospital.
House: You didn’t call 9-1-1?
Older Boy: [looks
ashamed] We don’t got a phone.
House: [brief
look of pity on his face; then it’s as if the term “toxic water” just sank in,
and he gets a look of curiosity] Toxic
water?
Older Boy: Yeah, I was doin’ a
science experiment [loud sniff] at home, and had [sniff, gasp] some toxic water in a bottle. My little brother was tryin’
to get back at me for somethin’ so he thought he’d [sniff] mess with my stuff.
House: [Turns to the smaller boy.] Did the toxic water hurt when you
swallowed it?
Younger Boy: [shakes
his head]
House: Did it make you want to vomit?
Younger Boy:
[blank stare]
House: Upchuck, barf, heave ho, [makes wretching action]
Younger Boy: [laughs
at him, then shakes his head]
House: How does your stomach feel?
Younger Boy:
[blank stare]
House: [reaches
out and pats his stomach]
Younger Boy:
[shrugs]
House: [looks into his eyes with the flashlight] Say aaaaaaaah
Younger Boy: Aaaaaaaaah
House: [looks into the boy’s throat with
the flashlight]
Older Boy: Is he gonna be OK?
House: Well, I can’t tell if he’ll be OK until I
know more about what it was he swallowed.
Older Boy: I told you, it was a bottle of toxic
water.
House: You gotta help me
out here, how big was the bottle?
Older Boy: [Has
calmed down a little now; motions about the size of a 1 liter bottle]
House: How much did he drink?
Older Boy: I dunno, about that
much [holds his finger and thumb to about
2 inches apart].
House: [seems surprised by that answer] Did it have a spray top on
it?
Older Boy: No, a screw cap.
House: Did the cap have a safety thing on it making
it hard to open?
Older Boy: Well, it came with a ring around it, which my
momma took off for me a few days ago so I could open it easier.
House: What color was the bottle?
Older Boy: It was see-through.
House: And the liquid inside, what color was that?
Older Boy: See-through, like WATER.
House: [getting frustrated now] What
color was the label?
Older Boy: Yellow.
House: Where did this bottle come from?
Older Boy: My momma bought it for me from a shopping
list that came with the science experiment kit.
House: I don’t suppose you have the shopping list
with you?
Older Boy: No, it’s at home.
House: Along with the bottle, I take it.
Older Boy: Yeah.
Is he going to be OK? [motions to his
brother]
House: He seems fine, but it depends on what he
swallowed. For some poisons, we would
make him drink something else that’ll make him vomit to get the stuff back
out. But for other kinds of poisons,
that could do a lot more damage as it comes back up. And then for some really really
bad stuff, we’d have to pump his stomach full of charcoal. How long ago did this happen?
Older Boy: I dunno, a hour?
House: [surprised] An
hour? How long were you waiting here at
the hospital?
Older Boy: [shrugs] I
dunno, half hour?
House: [getting the clue that the boy doesn’t have a
good sense of time] Where did your mom buy this
toxic water?
Older Boy: At the grocery store.
House: Do you know what aisle it was in? What other things were around it when you
bought it?
Older Boy: I wasn’t with her when she got it. She just got a bunch of stuff at the same
time.
House: Tell me about the experiment, what were you
doing for the science experiment.
Older Boy: I was gonna take
about ten different things and put them under a purple light to see which ones
looked brighter or changed colors or seemed different in that light.
House: A purple light?
Older Boy: Yeah, I think my momma called it a “black
light.”
House: And did this toxic water turn light blue when
you put it under a black light?
Older Boy: [smiles big] Yeah,
yeah, that’s it!
House: [turns
to the younger boy] Did it taste really nasty?
Younger Boy:
[nods his head silently]
House: And did this toxic water label have a name on
it, with swirly lettering that said something like [pause] “Schweppes?”
[Both boys start smiling really big,
and know he’s got the right stuff.]
Older Boy: Yeah, that’s it! Schweppes!
House: [practically yelling] It’s
TONIC water, you moron!!!
[The older boy cringes away from him
and quickly goes back to tears, he’s quite frightened
of House.]
House: [relaxes and sighs] I’m sorry, it’s just that one letter can make
a huge difference in whether your little brother gets to live, die, or get
subject to some really not-so-fun
science experiments of his own.
Older Boy: [starts to relax a bit] So,
he’s going to be-- [sniff]
House: Well, unless he used it to chase down a fifth
of vodka or something else you haven’t told me about, I’m pretty sure he’ll survive. Planning any trips to
Older Boy: [puzzled
look] Um, no?
House: Too bad, because Tonic Water has something
called “Quinine” in it, that gives it that pretty blue
color under black light. Quinine is
great for Malaria. Ever heard of Malaria?
Older Boy: [squints at House] No.
House: It’s a disease you get that’s spread by Mosquitos, a lot more common in Africa than here in the
[Both kids look a bit scared at the thought of getting shots.]
House: Doesn’t matter. How did you get here, by bus?
[Both kids nod their heads.]
House: Have you got enough money to get
back home?
Older Boy: Yeah, we got a pass.
House: OK. But
I’d like you to do me a favor. That
science experiment of yours sounds pretty lame.
I’d like you to come back to the clinic, this time with your mom. I’ll give you some ideas for doing a better
science fair experiment, OK?
Older Boy: [huge
smile!] OK, Thank you Doctor!
[House helps the little boy down
from the exam room and leads them to the door. As he opens the door, there’s
still a big commotion going on outside.
He sends them on their way anyway, and goes back to watching TV.]