THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

ACCORDING TO GREGORY HOUSE, MD

1. I am Doctor Gregory House, master of all things medical within the diagnostics department at Princeton-Plainsboro. Thou shalt have no other doctors after me, for they are all idiots. Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol. Wait, scratch that. Idolize me all thou wantst, as long as thou art female.
2. Thou shalt not make wrongful use of the name House. It is always capitalized, and never to be confused with abodes, residences, domiciles, dwellings, nor Holmes.
3. Remember the Vicodin and keep it holy. Actually, keep it handy too.
4. Honor thy doctor and thy nurse, for it is they who control the pain meds and bed pans.
5. Thou shalt not refuse treatment which could lead to thine own murder, especially if I haven’t figured out what’s wrong yet.
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless thine name art Stacy.
7. Thou shalt steel thyself against my abrasive wit.
8. Thou shalt not bear false statements during thine medical history, for my team and I shall find the truth if we have to pry it out of thee with a crowbar.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s House. There’s enough House to go around for several patients-of-the-week.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Unless her name is Stacy.